Oh, I've gotta go and find me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kOu8WVciHz8

Yes, I realize that I post quite a few songs, but lately this is me. And before we get started with the "Ooohhh, who is she talking about"s? Let me state: this is not about a boy.

For too long I've waited for someone to tell me who I am. I've waited for that to fall into my lap. Well here's my chance to really find out who that is. No distractions, no rules, no one telling me who I should or shouldn't be.

So, here's to me really being me.

Skipping Stones

Well, I am up entirely way too late, (thank goodness I don't have an 8:00 a.m. tomorrow...) but I'd like to say I can't stop smiling.

As you know, I'm not patient...BY ANY MEANS. This, I'm going all in for though. 110%. Going for Gold.

There's an easy feeling that I can't quite put into words; a peace that makes this simple. It's like having something comforting, like a favorite milkshake or a hand to hold.

So, I'll be looking for those perfect, smooth stones, to skip straight to you.

just a thought.

I read a quote once: "Love in its essence is spiritual fire."

Now, I will be the first to tell you that I am NOT in love. Puppy love, MAYBE, but I'm a little jaded on the idea of love. This quote though is interesting...

Spiritual fire? Yeah, I'll agree with that. Fire that burns you up and leaves you with nothing. Fire that burns you up and leaves you wanting more. Fire that burns you up and in immense pain, wanting to forget, but yet you'll always have the scar from where it was.

Now, I'll fall in love again, I'll guarantee you that. As hard as I try not to, I'm sure I will.

Until then, anyone know where I can buy a firefighter's suit?

Mhm, my sisters, mhm my sisters...

Formal Recruitment starts...TODAY! :) Good luck to all of the girls going through. I hope you find somewhere where you feel truly at home!

The story of my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCj9dRu0ksM

I don't want to be the girl that runs only to have no one chase her. Catch me.

I need to do things for me sometimes. Only I don't know what I want half the time.

I need to say the things I mean when I want to say them and not be scared to be outspoken. (Yeah, that'll be hard, because I've already failed. I'll keep trying though.) So many things that I want to say, I'm frightened what they will think, what you will say, what the look on your face will tell me.

Let's see, uh...

Resolutions? Bring it on.

Falling...hard.

I'm not sure about all that snow, but being with you was wonderful.

Well, some days I think the radio is playing the soundtrack of my life. I wish that I could come up with some of the wonderful little one-liners in songs. They seem to describe my every feeling so well. I am ever hoping that I can express my feelings, but they never seem to come out quite right. I feel like I have a song for every thought I've had today, which are all wonderfully happy, of course...all thanks to you. ;)

So, as I'm trying to think of how to tell I'm falling, all I can do is think of songs, poems; those one-liners that will say it for me until I have the courage, and creativity to say it myself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0wdHYckudCU

Well...

Looking back on this semester, I have realized how lucky I am. God has closed doors, but opened so many windows. I realize that I'm never going to be happy all the time, but I am now to the point where I can see the good in the past, present, and future. I want to be happy and have been making the conscious effort to do so. I have the best friends surrounding me (even as we speak), to celebrate the smallest great things in life like a good grade on a paper, sleeping in, or finally being done with a professor.

I am just truly loving life. I have so many people to be thankful for. A simple thank you would never suffice for all the happiness that you have brought me this year.

So, let's get on with this wonderful day...

dreaming...

"Bigger dreams come from smaller things baby. Yeah, maybe we are a little crazy, but I see that look in your eye and I can tell you're ready to roll. I just need to know how far do you want to go? How far do you want to go?"

Life is going so right. Lord, I thank you for the blessings that you give me everyday.

Even through the crazy, busy, hustle bustle of life, I can see how things are falling into place. I have such special individuals in my life that constantly remind me how lucky I am just to be alive.

A smile from a child, a hot cup of coffee, painted nails, or a sweet movie are a few of the things that I am thankful for today. The day isn't over and I am so thankful.

a letter to you

Dear __________,

I'm not sure if we've met yet, but I am completely in love with you (or someday I will be at least). I look for you everyday, but I'm not sure if I see you. I'll pick up my phone to dial your number just to chat, but I never know what it is. You are very elusive, but I can only imagine how wonderful it will be when I meet you. I pray for you everyday because I know you do the same, and our wonderful God knows your name. He has graciously and lovingly placed us together to start a wonderful life, but maybe it just hasn't hit us both yet.

I want you to know that I am thinking of you everyday. I cannot wait to hold your hand, if I haven't yet. I cannot wait to tell everyone about you, unless they already know. Somewhere out there, you're looking for me too. I'll find you someday, and I am being so patient until then (or trying).

I wonder what you do with your every single day. Are you a student or are you already out of school? Or are you a free spirit just wandering around wherever the day takes you? Do you like to watch movies or just sit and listen to the radio? I do hope that you love the sound and beauty of a storm like I do...

Know that I love you and cannot wait to meet you, unless we already have. In God's time, this will be wonderful and the most perfect gift that has ever been given to the both of us. I warn you, I'm terrible at relationships and they scare me to death. I am not afraid of loving because I do so without question. I am trusting and a hopeless romantic (exactly why I am writing this letter). God will lead me to you, in his time...

I love you,
your future wife

"Would you catch a couple thousand fireflies? Yeah, and put them in a lamp to light my world? All dressed up in a tux and a bowtie, hand delivered to a lonely girl, to a lonely, lonely girl..."

Just a thought...if you want to talk to someone...never hesitate...you never know how good it could be. Don't worry about it. They will listen, good or bad. DO NOT be afraid. Do it.

So, a couple things Ladies...

1. You are beautiful. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

2. On that note, you do not NEED anyone to tell you that fact.

3. God made us beautiful and strong women. Yes, we worry, but there is no need to.

4. HE has a plan, whether or not we want to acknowledge it yet.

5. This plan may not be yours. It sure as well wasn't mine. ;)

6. Don't let yourself block Him out. (I really need to work on this myself. I should be putting all of my burdens on him with no question.)

Just try and remember all of this. I mostly did this for myself, but hey, that's ok!

"I have it all planned out - plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for."
Jeremiah 29: 11

I may not have all that I want right now, but HE HAS A PLAN! I have no doubt and I need to claim that everyday. Even when things aren't exactly how I want them, I need to realize this more and more everyday. He has NEVER let me down and he NEVER will.

I want to watch this movie, today, with a warm blanket and apple cider. I wish it was colder so that I could do that. It's just WAY too hot...

naptime.

My great-grandma used to say that everyone needs one 1-hr nap a day to be happy and rested. Well, I wish that I could take that nap now. The day is oh, so busy! On the bright side though, we are welcoming one more girl into Chi Omega tonight!

Congrats to her!

yeah...I'd really like that nap.

XO love and all mine.

Just a couple things...

1. The french fries in the new McDonald's Happy Meals are WAY to small...there's maybe 5 in the box thing...sad day.

2. Hanover College in the fall could quite possibly be the prettiest place in the whole world.

3. I worry WAY too much. So, if you do too, here's something that may help:

"Worry weighs us down, a cheerful word picks us up." Proverbs 25:15

I owe a big thank you to one of my friends for a special dinner this week! You made me feel so much better about everything and thank you for just listening. I cannot wait to do it again. :)

I hope everyone's Sunday was wonderful and beautiful!

First day of classes. I would rather be on the lake. Come on, it's Labor Day.

Just a few things that I look forward to when returning back to the HC...

1. Movie nights with popcorn, cookie dough, and my wonderful ChiO sisters after long days of studying, writing papers, and endless assignments.

2. Doing my reading outside on the Quad on a blanket soaking up the beautiful sun.

3. A wonderful gym to visit every night...hopefully. ;)

4. Friends that I haven't seen all summer that always seem to bring a smile to my face.

5. Cheering at football games. GO PANTHERS!

Although it will a bittersweeet ending to my summer, I cannot wait to return to a solid routine and continue on towards being a teacher! :)

Lately I've spent alot of time wishing that I could be older. I've wished and wished that I could press the "fast forward" button on the remote control of life and be oh, about 23, graduated, and with a wonderful job teaching. Then, as it always does, reality always sets in and reminds me that I'm 19, only going to be a sophomore, and far away from my dreams of teaching, marriage, and "adult" life. Of course, I pray about it, but I struggle with wanting and wondering, "God, when?" I know I shouldn't, but I will be the first one to admit that this is a BIG problem for me.

Time and time again, I am reminded:

"For I know the plans that I have for you," declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you.
Jeremiah 29:11

Of course this is what I need! I need to know that God knows what he has in store for me, and that the answer to all my prayers isn't always, "No," but rather maybe God is saying, "Not yet." "Not Yet" I can live with. Even if the answers end up being, "No" I must always remember that God has HIS plan for me, and even though I may not know what it is yet, it is more than wonderful and beautiful. Just another chapter of life waiting to be read...